Date: February 2, 2005
To: Pier Fishing In California Message Board
From: StripeSideChaser
Subject: Funny things heard while fishing?
The last post about the lady that asked if C&R might be painful, reminded me of some of the better questions I've been asked while pier fishing. My favorite: I was at the far end of the Berkeley pier and an older woman approached me. She asked several basic questions about fishing, and then asked, “Is this pier sturdy enough to be safe to walk on?” I told her, “No, I’d never walk all the way out here!” She got it after a minute or two.
I fish, therefore I lie!
Name: Red Fish
That is actually a serious question. You know, the pier is most likely NOT earthquake safe and no one is really going around checking the pier for retro-fitting all the time. Pacifica has been unsafe, but people still go on it. They finally got some funds to make the necessary constructive reinforcements. But, Bob, when have fishermen ever been really concerned with safety if they think there is a fish to be caught. Just ask JTF-69 and his other rock-skipping buddies. Safe is relative.
Name: StripeSideChaser
I think once you walk 3,000 feet out... it’s a little late for the asking!
I fish, therefore I lie!
Name: Red Fish
Now, that's funny.
Name: fishoff
The question that gets me the most from tourists. They would see me with a fish and they would ask “did you catch that here?” I would reply “no I caught it somewhere else and brought it here”
G G G GGGGLOOMISS!!
Name: blahblahblah
All-time fave: “Are you fishing?”
Name: eelmaster
True! I like “are you fishing?” Another good one is “are there fish here?”
Monte
Support UPSAC
Name: StripeSideChaser
True! Always answer “no” to that question! You can even follow it with “I like to fish, not catch!”
I fish, therefore I lie!
Name: blahblahblah
Yeah, but sometimes I am forced to be honest and tell them something like, “Well, there are supposed to be fish here, but I've never been here before and I haven’t caught anything, so I can't say for sure.” I do try to be polite, but there have been plenty of occasions when I just wanted a peaceful hour at the beach with no reason to have to speak and nothing to listen to but the crashing of the waves and the cries of the birds, and I couldn't seem to get a few minutes alone (mostly at Ocean Beach near my house in SF). So sometimes I reply, “No,” and go back to fishing (kind of like my childhood habit of simply replying, “Yes,” when someone asked me if I knew what time it was, or if I knew how to get to such-and-such a place). Or now and again I’ll look at the rod and reel in my hand, look out at the water, look back at the rod and reel, then look back at the inquiring mind who asked the question and say, “That’s it — fishing! I knew there must be a word for this!” If it's a kid, though, I do my best to be nice and answer the question. There also have been plenty of times when people have asked, “What do you usually catch here?” and I have to say, “Well, *I* usually don’t catch anything. Good fishermen catch [fill in the appropriate species].”
Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns
Driven time and again off course ...
Name: Ken Jones
#1 — Are the fish from here safe to eat?
Name: tranbaby2
Better yet.“Can I have that fish?” not knowing it’s the only fish you’ve caught all day long. “Whatcha doing?” or “what’s going on?”
Name: Nufo
How about (1) Are the fish in this water? (while fishing the bay) (2a) Did you catch those here? (I got this one at Berkeley pier last year when me and my buddies had 4 fat stripers sitting on the deck. It was obvious the dude was a total propeller head straight from UC Berkeley and he didn’t get out of the lab much.) (2b) Did you catch those today? (Same genius who asked question 2a and of course he got a smart azz remark) (3) What are you fighting? (got this one at Moffet while fighting an oversized dino and of course my answer was “oh its just a big ray.” Don’t wanna let people know there are sturgeon in the area.
Nufo
Name: SanClementeEric
“You gonna keep that?” (when it’s in your bucket). Also, not funny but sometimes annoying: I’m always asked, “What do you/people catch here?” or “How's fishing?”
Sometimes I’ve been known to answer “Fish”or “Great! I love fishing.”
Name: dompfa ben
Repost: T.A.T.- tourist avoidance techniques
Before this rolled off the page, I thought I’d share a partial list of techniques you can use to avoid the damaging effects of tourist on your pier fishing trip. This list is not comprehensive, but is a work in progress. Take note of these tips...one of them may save your trip someday...
Q1: “What did you catch that on?”
A: "Hook."
Q2: “What do you catch here?”
A: It varies. If the person seems sincere, I am always happy to help...especially if they’re carrying fishing gear and look like they need some guidance. But when I see that belittling scowl, nestled amidst designer faux-fur and too much rouge, I can’t help but mess with them. Sometimes I make up the names of fish, too, like when some know-it-all is out there invading my personal space:
“Oh, well, we catch Striped Snobbler, Reticulated Thurbans, and when they’re in season, I’ll get the occasional Zibbit, although Zibbit fishing down here isn’t what it used to be.”
One guy once told me that the price of Snobbler was ridiculous at his local fish market. I couldn’t tell if he was in on my joke or not, so I decided not to pursue it further.
Q3: “You don't really catch fish out here, do you?”
A: “No, I'm hired by the city to stand out here and answer questions."
A2: “No, ma’am, I’m Detective John Kimball, and I’m on a stakeout. We’re looking for” (I then describe the person to whom I'm talking, then look at them suspiciously). They sometimes laugh, but usually walk away.
A3: I just say random phrases in broken Mandarin: “Ching gey wuh bing schway, xie xie!” (Please give me ice water, thanks...) NOTE: This works great with people that speak Mandarin, too, because they think you’re nuts.
Other techniques for avoiding conversation with tourists:
1. Answer all questions in Pig Latin.
2. Roll up a newspaper or magazine, or even a fishing towel, and when you’re talking to them, speak into it like it's a microphone. Hold it up to their mouth when they speak, too. Better yet, get a real microphone.
3. Better still, preface your comments by telling them, “For training and quality control, this conversation may be recorded.”
4. Answer all their questions politely, but speak to an invisible person next to them. Direct all your facial expressions and vocal inflections towards that invisible person.
5. Say every word in your answer twice. It it takes takes practice practice. Then ask them...”Say, is there an echo out here?”
6. Drink an imaginary cup of coffee while speaking to them.
7. Answer with punctuation: "Well comma I have caught perch comma corbina comma and even a halibut exclamation point"
8. Randomly change the volume, tone, and pitch of your voice. Act like nothing is wrong.
9. Hug the rail and tell them, “Just a sec...I think I'm getting seasick!” ...then begin making heaving sounds.
10. Use archaic sayings, like “Jimminy Crickets!” and “Sufferin' Succotash!” Better yet, use “Smurfy” as an adjective. Frequently.
11. Mid-sentence, stop what you’re saying, put your hand up to your eyes, and scream, “Oh God! I've lost a contact!” Get down on the ground and feel around blindly. See if you can get the tourist to help you. Once they're really into it, stand up and walk away.12. Answer questions as if you’re reading words off a marquee.
13. Pretend you’re fighting a fish. Hold the rod down at an angle so they can’t see it. Suddenly, pretend to lose the fish. Throw a major tantrum, and kick stuff around. Tell them you just lost a Striped Snobbler.
Name: pescare
One I got from my father could work here. I only remember him using it a couple of times, and neither were in response to stupid fishing questions but it has come in handy for me several times. I've used it to get the attention of idiots yelling into their cell phones loud enough to be disturbing, and once in response to someone who walked up to me and starting speaking in a language I could not understand or identify. “I used to have one just like that, but the wheels fell off.” Obviously, it makes no sense to anybody, but that’s the idea. It usually throws them off and leaves them with a very dumb look on their faces.
Subject:
Name: SetHook
Q. #4 Do you eat the fish you catch here? (1) “Sure. Gives me a really nice glow in the dark.” (2) “No. I beat them in the mixer and they make a very tasty Sushi Drink.” (3) “No. I take it home and put it in my fish tank.”
Name: snotrocket
I always say I caught the bus or a buzz
Name: tackleholic
Repost: T.A.T.- tourist avoidance techniques — That’s great, ROFLMAO. I’ve done stuff like that. My favorite is feigning not knowing English, I’ll say, Fish? Fish, (mumble some made up stuff or a few words of the little foreign language I know) search around like I'm struggling to come up with the few words of English I know and pausingly say...Yes....fisha....catchu...fish...then hold up my arms outstretched to about 3 feet. If they continue to pursue it, usually they are talking really really slow and much more loudly,...”WHAT..KIND..OF..FISH..DO.. YOU..CATCH?” then I'll say “oh, yes, yes, fish,” then they'll sometimes repeat practically screaming, “NO, WHAT KIND OF FISH DO YOU CATCH ?!!” with the stress on the word KIND. Then I’ll say something like... “Ohhh, KIND!!!! (with a look that I finally understand what they're talking about), CATCH HARIBUT, BONITO, UHH, CATFISH, ... TROUT....SWORDFISHU...BLUEGILL.” After that, especially if I want the conversation to end, I'll just start repeating the last word they say... “BAIT? WHAT..IS...BAIT?!!” Allow them to explain while I keep giving them puzzled looks, then go on “OOOH...BAIT...like I know what they are talking about.” Usually they're so annoyed by this point they just say “NEVER MIND” and go away, but if they don’t I keep forgetting what the word they just explained is and ask the exact same thing moments later... “BAIT? WHAT..IS..BAIT?” or "LURE...WHAT...IS...LURE?!!?"
Finally, when the conversation is over and they've found a way to excuse themselves out of the conversation because they're explaining every term of the question they’ve asked me and as they're walking away, I'll say something like ... “Alright Dude, You have a good day too, hope to see you again sometime!” in perfect English which usually get’s some dirty looks. I’ll never do this to a kid, or someone asking sincere questions, just the jerks who come up with that attitude you've described.
Name: clutch633
Great list, how bout...while you talk to them in pig Latin you hold your pole and rub it with pleasure.
Name: fishnchips
My precioussssssss
To: Pier Fishing In California Message Board
From: StripeSideChaser
Subject: Funny things heard while fishing?
The last post about the lady that asked if C&R might be painful, reminded me of some of the better questions I've been asked while pier fishing. My favorite: I was at the far end of the Berkeley pier and an older woman approached me. She asked several basic questions about fishing, and then asked, “Is this pier sturdy enough to be safe to walk on?” I told her, “No, I’d never walk all the way out here!” She got it after a minute or two.
I fish, therefore I lie!
Name: Red Fish
That is actually a serious question. You know, the pier is most likely NOT earthquake safe and no one is really going around checking the pier for retro-fitting all the time. Pacifica has been unsafe, but people still go on it. They finally got some funds to make the necessary constructive reinforcements. But, Bob, when have fishermen ever been really concerned with safety if they think there is a fish to be caught. Just ask JTF-69 and his other rock-skipping buddies. Safe is relative.
Name: StripeSideChaser
I think once you walk 3,000 feet out... it’s a little late for the asking!
I fish, therefore I lie!
Name: Red Fish
Now, that's funny.
Name: fishoff
The question that gets me the most from tourists. They would see me with a fish and they would ask “did you catch that here?” I would reply “no I caught it somewhere else and brought it here”
G G G GGGGLOOMISS!!
Name: blahblahblah
All-time fave: “Are you fishing?”
Name: eelmaster
True! I like “are you fishing?” Another good one is “are there fish here?”
Monte
Support UPSAC
Name: StripeSideChaser
True! Always answer “no” to that question! You can even follow it with “I like to fish, not catch!”
I fish, therefore I lie!
Name: blahblahblah
Yeah, but sometimes I am forced to be honest and tell them something like, “Well, there are supposed to be fish here, but I've never been here before and I haven’t caught anything, so I can't say for sure.” I do try to be polite, but there have been plenty of occasions when I just wanted a peaceful hour at the beach with no reason to have to speak and nothing to listen to but the crashing of the waves and the cries of the birds, and I couldn't seem to get a few minutes alone (mostly at Ocean Beach near my house in SF). So sometimes I reply, “No,” and go back to fishing (kind of like my childhood habit of simply replying, “Yes,” when someone asked me if I knew what time it was, or if I knew how to get to such-and-such a place). Or now and again I’ll look at the rod and reel in my hand, look out at the water, look back at the rod and reel, then look back at the inquiring mind who asked the question and say, “That’s it — fishing! I knew there must be a word for this!” If it's a kid, though, I do my best to be nice and answer the question. There also have been plenty of times when people have asked, “What do you usually catch here?” and I have to say, “Well, *I* usually don’t catch anything. Good fishermen catch [fill in the appropriate species].”
Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns
Driven time and again off course ...
Name: Ken Jones
#1 — Are the fish from here safe to eat?
Name: tranbaby2
Better yet.“Can I have that fish?” not knowing it’s the only fish you’ve caught all day long. “Whatcha doing?” or “what’s going on?”
Name: Nufo
How about (1) Are the fish in this water? (while fishing the bay) (2a) Did you catch those here? (I got this one at Berkeley pier last year when me and my buddies had 4 fat stripers sitting on the deck. It was obvious the dude was a total propeller head straight from UC Berkeley and he didn’t get out of the lab much.) (2b) Did you catch those today? (Same genius who asked question 2a and of course he got a smart azz remark) (3) What are you fighting? (got this one at Moffet while fighting an oversized dino and of course my answer was “oh its just a big ray.” Don’t wanna let people know there are sturgeon in the area.
Nufo
Name: SanClementeEric
“You gonna keep that?” (when it’s in your bucket). Also, not funny but sometimes annoying: I’m always asked, “What do you/people catch here?” or “How's fishing?”
Sometimes I’ve been known to answer “Fish”or “Great! I love fishing.”
Name: dompfa ben
Repost: T.A.T.- tourist avoidance techniques
Before this rolled off the page, I thought I’d share a partial list of techniques you can use to avoid the damaging effects of tourist on your pier fishing trip. This list is not comprehensive, but is a work in progress. Take note of these tips...one of them may save your trip someday...
Q1: “What did you catch that on?”
A: "Hook."
Q2: “What do you catch here?”
A: It varies. If the person seems sincere, I am always happy to help...especially if they’re carrying fishing gear and look like they need some guidance. But when I see that belittling scowl, nestled amidst designer faux-fur and too much rouge, I can’t help but mess with them. Sometimes I make up the names of fish, too, like when some know-it-all is out there invading my personal space:
“Oh, well, we catch Striped Snobbler, Reticulated Thurbans, and when they’re in season, I’ll get the occasional Zibbit, although Zibbit fishing down here isn’t what it used to be.”
One guy once told me that the price of Snobbler was ridiculous at his local fish market. I couldn’t tell if he was in on my joke or not, so I decided not to pursue it further.
Q3: “You don't really catch fish out here, do you?”
A: “No, I'm hired by the city to stand out here and answer questions."
A2: “No, ma’am, I’m Detective John Kimball, and I’m on a stakeout. We’re looking for” (I then describe the person to whom I'm talking, then look at them suspiciously). They sometimes laugh, but usually walk away.
A3: I just say random phrases in broken Mandarin: “Ching gey wuh bing schway, xie xie!” (Please give me ice water, thanks...) NOTE: This works great with people that speak Mandarin, too, because they think you’re nuts.
Other techniques for avoiding conversation with tourists:
1. Answer all questions in Pig Latin.
2. Roll up a newspaper or magazine, or even a fishing towel, and when you’re talking to them, speak into it like it's a microphone. Hold it up to their mouth when they speak, too. Better yet, get a real microphone.
3. Better still, preface your comments by telling them, “For training and quality control, this conversation may be recorded.”
4. Answer all their questions politely, but speak to an invisible person next to them. Direct all your facial expressions and vocal inflections towards that invisible person.
5. Say every word in your answer twice. It it takes takes practice practice. Then ask them...”Say, is there an echo out here?”
6. Drink an imaginary cup of coffee while speaking to them.
7. Answer with punctuation: "Well comma I have caught perch comma corbina comma and even a halibut exclamation point"
8. Randomly change the volume, tone, and pitch of your voice. Act like nothing is wrong.
9. Hug the rail and tell them, “Just a sec...I think I'm getting seasick!” ...then begin making heaving sounds.
10. Use archaic sayings, like “Jimminy Crickets!” and “Sufferin' Succotash!” Better yet, use “Smurfy” as an adjective. Frequently.
11. Mid-sentence, stop what you’re saying, put your hand up to your eyes, and scream, “Oh God! I've lost a contact!” Get down on the ground and feel around blindly. See if you can get the tourist to help you. Once they're really into it, stand up and walk away.12. Answer questions as if you’re reading words off a marquee.
13. Pretend you’re fighting a fish. Hold the rod down at an angle so they can’t see it. Suddenly, pretend to lose the fish. Throw a major tantrum, and kick stuff around. Tell them you just lost a Striped Snobbler.
Name: pescare
One I got from my father could work here. I only remember him using it a couple of times, and neither were in response to stupid fishing questions but it has come in handy for me several times. I've used it to get the attention of idiots yelling into their cell phones loud enough to be disturbing, and once in response to someone who walked up to me and starting speaking in a language I could not understand or identify. “I used to have one just like that, but the wheels fell off.” Obviously, it makes no sense to anybody, but that’s the idea. It usually throws them off and leaves them with a very dumb look on their faces.
Subject:
Name: SetHook
Q. #4 Do you eat the fish you catch here? (1) “Sure. Gives me a really nice glow in the dark.” (2) “No. I beat them in the mixer and they make a very tasty Sushi Drink.” (3) “No. I take it home and put it in my fish tank.”
Name: snotrocket
I always say I caught the bus or a buzz
Name: tackleholic
Repost: T.A.T.- tourist avoidance techniques — That’s great, ROFLMAO. I’ve done stuff like that. My favorite is feigning not knowing English, I’ll say, Fish? Fish, (mumble some made up stuff or a few words of the little foreign language I know) search around like I'm struggling to come up with the few words of English I know and pausingly say...Yes....fisha....catchu...fish...then hold up my arms outstretched to about 3 feet. If they continue to pursue it, usually they are talking really really slow and much more loudly,...”WHAT..KIND..OF..FISH..DO.. YOU..CATCH?” then I'll say “oh, yes, yes, fish,” then they'll sometimes repeat practically screaming, “NO, WHAT KIND OF FISH DO YOU CATCH ?!!” with the stress on the word KIND. Then I’ll say something like... “Ohhh, KIND!!!! (with a look that I finally understand what they're talking about), CATCH HARIBUT, BONITO, UHH, CATFISH, ... TROUT....SWORDFISHU...BLUEGILL.” After that, especially if I want the conversation to end, I'll just start repeating the last word they say... “BAIT? WHAT..IS...BAIT?!!” Allow them to explain while I keep giving them puzzled looks, then go on “OOOH...BAIT...like I know what they are talking about.” Usually they're so annoyed by this point they just say “NEVER MIND” and go away, but if they don’t I keep forgetting what the word they just explained is and ask the exact same thing moments later... “BAIT? WHAT..IS..BAIT?” or "LURE...WHAT...IS...LURE?!!?"
Finally, when the conversation is over and they've found a way to excuse themselves out of the conversation because they're explaining every term of the question they’ve asked me and as they're walking away, I'll say something like ... “Alright Dude, You have a good day too, hope to see you again sometime!” in perfect English which usually get’s some dirty looks. I’ll never do this to a kid, or someone asking sincere questions, just the jerks who come up with that attitude you've described.
Name: clutch633
Great list, how bout...while you talk to them in pig Latin you hold your pole and rub it with pleasure.
Name: fishnchips
My precioussssssss