pierfishing.com :: FAQ :: search :: memberlist :: album
  Sign-up as new user :: log in



Sign-up as new user | I forgot my password

Page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next
PFIC Message Boards >> Off-Topic Reply to this topic
>> JOKES [topic: previous/next]
PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2013 1:27 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

Ha,Ha,Ha,Ha,Ha, Hey, wait a minute, THATS MY CAB!!! jst kddn, that was a GOOD one tho, Bro!...mutt.
_________________
Tight lines to all, and to all a good FIGHT!!!
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 7:49 pm
red fish


Posts: 2549
Location: Berkeley Pier

Hey Hans... did you hear the one about the warden and the crab poacher...
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 3:55 pm
Sofa King


Posts: 1712
Location: Danville Ca.

Speed and the elderly
An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?'

The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars ! '

'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'

'No problem,' replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped !'

Just then the light changes, So the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds
The speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !

Something whips by him going much faster !

' What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph. He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows in to the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, 'I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you?'

The old man whispers, 'unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!'

_________________

Early to bed, Early to rise, fish all day, make up lies
<*}}}}}}}}}><
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 5:15 am
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

Ha,Ha,Ha, that's a Good one!...mutt.
_________________
Tight lines to all, and to all a good FIGHT!!!
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 8:11 am
Sofa King


Posts: 1712
Location: Danville Ca.

RETIRED HEALTH MESSAGES
I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's ....It's the tortoise life for me!1.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.2.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.3.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.4.. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.I'm retired. Go around me.God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16.It's not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .
I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

20. DID I Share THESE BEFORE..........??????

_________________

Early to bed, Early to rise, fish all day, make up lies
<*}}}}}}}}}><
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 2:22 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

A high priced lawyer was driving out in the country when his jag developed a sever vibration, as he pulled over he noticed a sign on the road side fence said "mental institution, don't pick-up hitch-hikers!" He noticed that all the lugnuts exept for one were missing from the left front wheel, while he was standing there wondering what to do, a patient on the other side of the fence said why don't you take a lugnut from each of the other wheels and put them on the left front, that way you could make it back to town and fix it right? The lawyer said Wow that's smart! Why are you in that mental instatute? The patient said "Im crazy, not stupid!"
_________________
Tight lines to all, and to all a good FIGHT!!!
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:10 pm
Sofa King


Posts: 1712
Location: Danville Ca.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

_________________

Early to bed, Early to rise, fish all day, make up lies
<*}}}}}}}}}><
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:42 pm
red fish


Posts: 2549
Location: Berkeley Pier

Sofa King wrote:
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

I love that one Hans: judge and executioner...

_________________
Well, you lose one you rig one -Quint
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 12:37 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

Ha,Ha,Ha, I like that twist, the way I heard it, as soon as the burgler saw the parrot there was a huge Rottweiler sitting under the cage and the parrot said sick'em jesus!...mutt.
_________________
Tight lines to all, and to all a good FIGHT!!!
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 8:19 am
mlazar80


Posts: 105
Location: Newark

A woman awakes during the night to find her husband not in bed. She puts on her robe, goes downstairs to look for him, and finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee," Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses. The words aren't coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, `Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?' "

"I remember that too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says,
...........


"I would have gotten out today".
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 5:59 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

That's the price you pay to play, or at least it useto be! Our younger generation probably wouldn't even get that joke...mutt.
_________________
Tight lines to all, and to all a good FIGHT!!!
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:06 pm
Sofa King


Posts: 1712
Location: Danville Ca.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a Beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who Owns the Big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do.... Why?"

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to

know that your horse is about dead outside!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to
die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run
around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him
start to feel better."
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?"

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!"

_________________

Early to bed, Early to rise, fish all day, make up lies
<*}}}}}}}}}><
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:31 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

You've got to be kiddin me! I didn't expect that! Ya got me!! Ha,Ha,Ha,Ha,Ha,...mutt.
_________________
Tight lines to all, and to all a good FIGHT!!!
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 11:15 pm
Sofa King


Posts: 1712
Location: Danville Ca.

This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door...only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.

After looking around, he noticed that the car was moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.

Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying...and wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other:

"Look Paddy...there's that idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!"

_________________

Early to bed, Early to rise, fish all day, make up lies
<*}}}}}}}}}><
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PostPosted: Mon Jan 05, 2015 1:28 am
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

Two gang bangers are sitting in a car, ones black and ones Hispanic, who's driving? -----------------the cop! What color is the cop? P/D Blue.
_________________
Tight lines to all, and to all a good FIGHT!!!
Top of page
Send private message Make a quoted reply on this post
PFIC Message Boards >> Off-Topic Reply to this topic
Page 9 of 10  Page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next
Display posts from previous:   
Jump to: