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PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 12:10 pm
roadkill1


Posts: 182

Theldios wrote:
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City where a girl can choose her husband.

Among all the instructions board in the entrance, there are instructions that show the rules to enter that store. That is, “YOU CAN VISIT THIS STORE ONLY ONCE IN YOUR LIFE !!”

The store consists of 6 floors where each floor shows a group of prospective husbands.

The higher you go up, the higher the value of the men. You can choose a man on a certain floor or you prefer to choose the man on the next floor.
BUT !! The requirement is you are not allow to go back to previous floor unless you out of the store.


On the first floor, there is a message as in the following: “Floor 1: Men on this floor have a job and are faithful.” The lady is smiled and she ascended to the next floor.

On the second floor, there is a message: “Floor 2: Men on this floor have a job, are faithful, and save money.” Again, the girl ascended to the next floor.

On the third floor, there is a message: “Floor 3: Men on this floor has a job, obey to the God, save money, and are very handsome.” The girl says “Wow”, but then she is still curious and continue to go up.

She arrived on the fourth floor, got a message: “Floor 4: Men on this floor have a job, are faithful, save money, are very handsome and love to cook.”
The girl shouted “Oh My GOD, I almost can’t believe this.”

And she still continue to go up to fifth floor and got a message: “Floor 5: Men on this floor have a job, are faithful, save money, are very handsome, love to cook, and have a romantic taste.”
She was tempted to stop but then she finally ascended to the sixth floor and have a message as in the following:

“You are a visitor 4,363,012.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists merely only for evidence that women are never satisfied. Thank you for shopping at the ‘husband store’."

To avoid gender misunderstanding charges, the owner of the store also opens a “New Wives” store just across the street.
The first floor: wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have a lot of money.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited, ever


Ha ha ha...very funny!
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:03 pm
Sofa King


Posts: 1712
Location: Danville Ca.

So there is this guy out fishing and he runs out of bait. Looking around for something he can use he spots a cottonmouth with a frog. Thinking the frog might make good bait he grabs the snake and takes the frog. Realizing he cant just put the snake down without getting bit he looks around for an idea. Spotting his bottle of Jack he pours some in the snakes mouth, and the snake goes limp. He puts he snake down and resumes fishing.
10 minutes later there's a tapping at his foot. Looking down there's the snake only this time he has 2 frogs...

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Early to bed, Early to rise, fish all day, make up lies
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 11:02 pm
bigunindaboat


Posts: 2758

Theldios wrote:
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City where a girl can choose her husband.

Among all the instructions board in the entrance, there are instructions that show the rules to enter that store. That is, “YOU CAN VISIT THIS STORE ONLY ONCE IN YOUR LIFE !!”

The store consists of 6 floors where each floor shows a group of prospective husbands.

The higher you go up, the higher the value of the men. You can choose a man on a certain floor or you prefer to choose the man on the next floor.
BUT !! The requirement is you are not allow to go back to previous floor unless you out of the store.


On the first floor, there is a message as in the following: “Floor 1: Men on this floor have a job and are faithful.” The lady is smiled and she ascended to the next floor.

On the second floor, there is a message: “Floor 2: Men on this floor have a job, are faithful, and save money.” Again, the girl ascended to the next floor.

On the third floor, there is a message: “Floor 3: Men on this floor has a job, obey to the God, save money, and are very handsome.” The girl says “Wow”, but then she is still curious and continue to go up.

She arrived on the fourth floor, got a message: “Floor 4: Men on this floor have a job, are faithful, save money, are very handsome and love to cook.”
The girl shouted “Oh My GOD, I almost can’t believe this.”

And she still continue to go up to fifth floor and got a message: “Floor 5: Men on this floor have a job, are faithful, save money, are very handsome, love to cook, and have a romantic taste.”
She was tempted to stop but then she finally ascended to the sixth floor and have a message as in the following:

“You are a visitor 4,363,012.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists merely only for evidence that women are never satisfied. Thank you for shopping at the ‘husband store’."

To avoid gender misunderstanding charges, the owner of the store also opens a “New Wives” store just across the street.
The first floor: wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have a lot of money.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited, ever



hahahahahahaahahah awesome

_________________
I fish, the salt and the sweet.
I hunt the grasslands to the mountains.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:04 am
kchoo


Posts: 185

You guys are awesome; made my night!!! Thank you!!!
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 2:58 pm
cheddah


Posts: 138

A Saskatchewan man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Sask recently
with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known
for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

"Naw, my friend, I ain't got no license. These here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

"Yep. Every night I take these fish down to the river and let 'em swim
'round for a while. Then I whistle and they jump right back into this ice
chest and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of BS! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's the
truth. I'll show you.. It really works."

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

The man poured the fish into the river and stood and waited. After
several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

"Well, what?" said the man.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?"

"The FISH!"

"What fish?"

We here in Saskatchewan may not be as smart as some, but we ain't as dumb
as most.
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:01 am
Sofa King


Posts: 1712
Location: Danville Ca.

So there I was at The Home Depot the other day and there was this blind guy in one of the aisles swinging his dog in circles over his head.
I asked him what he was doing he replied "I'm just looking around".

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Early to bed, Early to rise, fish all day, make up lies
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 1:08 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

This Trophy Hunter wanted to kill the largest Gorilla EVER! Trophy Gorillas are graded by the size of their hoo,hoo's. So the professional guide took his weinnie dog and the client out into the jungle where they found a big Gorilla up in the trees, the guide handed the client a pistol and said "just wait for my instruction", then he climbed the tree and with a club knocked the gorilla out of the tree, when the gorilla hit the ground, the weinnie dog rushed in and grabbed the gorilla by the hoo,hoo's the guide measured and said "nope, not big enough" so off they went to find a bigger one, soon the guide had another in his sights, he handed his pistol to the client and up the tree he went, this time the gorilla knocked the guide out of the tree, as he fell he screamed over and over SHOOT THE DOG!, SHOOT THE DOG!!!
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Tight lines to all, and to all a good FIGHT!!!
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 7:13 pm
Sofa King


Posts: 1712
Location: Danville Ca.

Vinny and Tony are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Tony grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, 'I think Tony is dead! What should I do?'

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, 'Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead.'

There is a silence. And then a gun shot is heard.

Vinny's voice comes back on the line, 'Okay... Now what?

_________________

Early to bed, Early to rise, fish all day, make up lies
<*}}}}}}}}}><
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 9:47 pm
Mahigeer


Posts: 6367

Loved it. Thanks.
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 11:41 pm
bigunindaboat


Posts: 2758

Sofa King wrote:
Vinny and Tony are out in the woods hunting when suddenly Tony grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, 'I think Tony is dead! What should I do?'

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, 'Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead.'

There is a silence. And then a gun shot is heard.

Vinny's voice comes back on the line, 'Okay... Now what?


what were they huntin raccoon?

Lol good stuff Hans!

_________________
I fish, the salt and the sweet.
I hunt the grasslands to the mountains.
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 2:25 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

Oops!
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Tight lines to all, and to all a good FIGHT!!!
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 6:46 pm
RobF


Posts: 567

For any of the science geeks out there...

A Noble Gas walks into a bar. The bartender rudely says, "We don't serve your kind in here!" The Noble Gas did not react.

One more...

Outside of a bar frequented by physicists a sign is posted showing the entrance fees:

Protons - $+1
Electrons - $-1
Neutrons - No charge
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 3:13 pm
thefrood


Posts: 1293
Location: Southern California (Riverside County)

Heard this one fishing the other day...




There were two avid duck hunters, John and Jack, that would go hunting all over the country. They were very conscientious hunters and always followed the regulations for whichever locale they were in so needless to say they accumulated various licenses, stamps, permits, and certifications for a LOT of different municipalities.

At the end of one day, after a successful hunt near a small backwater in northern California a fish and game officer walked up to them as they were loading their truck and asked to check their take. He quickly counted the ducks and saw that they weren't over limit and hadn't taken any fowl that were proscribed when, to the hunters shock, stuck his index finger all the way up the ... of one of the dead drakes, pulled it out and ran it under his nose, inhaling deeply as if sampling a fine cigar.

He turned to the shocked hunters and deadpanned as if nothing unusual had happend, "This duck here was from Oregon. You have an Oregon hunting license boys?" The hunters were shocked, not only at the actions of the warden but at the unusual question. They explained that they had shot the duck right here in California, that they ducks migrate, and that right now the ducks were flyig to warmer climes for the winter. The warden didn't care and insisted that if the hunters didn't show an Oregon hunting license then he would take them in and confiscate their catch. It was with no small amount of irritation that the hunters searched through their volumous stack of licenses to find the necessary permits for Oregon and showed them to the warden.

Thinking that the ordeal was over, they were shocked when the warden picked up another duck and repeated the process! Montana, Utah, Idaho... this went on with each duck until the warden violated every single one of their catches and the fortunately well licensed hunters had provided documentation for every state requested.

With no ducks left to check, the warden commented that the hunters sure traveled around and hunted in a lot of different jurisdictions. The hunters commented that "This was what they loved to do and that no matter where they went they did it right." Turning to leave the warden thanked them and asked one last question...

"Just out of curiousity, where are you two guys originally from?"

The hunter Jack, finally having had enough of this, promptly pulled down his pants, exposed his bare ... to the warden, and exclaimed "If you're so smart, why don't you tell me you SOB?"





I realize it's kind of long... but hope you found it as funny as I did Smile

_________________
----

*** I'm back in Riverside County now. Anyone around up for some fishing? What about So Cal beaches?
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 3:45 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

Uea, I heard b'fore, It was funny then!..mutt.
_________________
Tight lines to all, and to all a good FIGHT!!!
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 12:07 pm
Sofa King


Posts: 1712
Location: Danville Ca.

Saw this somewhere else had to share.

Taking a cab home

Holiday Problem.

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience
with my friends about drinking and driving.
As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the
authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session"
out with friends.

Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several
cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still
had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when
I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it
was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't
know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to
do with it.

_________________

Early to bed, Early to rise, fish all day, make up lies
<*}}}}}}}}}><
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