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>> JOKES [topic: previous/next]
PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 6:45 am
fishlady


Posts: 615
Location: Aransas Pass, TX

Heard this one lately, but have no idea who came up with it.

A fellow hurried into a Pet Clinic carrying his little dog. "Please help me, my dog isn't responding to me", the man asked the Veterinarian. The Vet. looked at the dog and told the man his dog is dead. The man couldn't believe his beloved pet had died and demanded the Vet. help the poor animal and make him better. The Vet. told the man again, "Your dog is dead, that'll be $35.00!" In disbelief the man demanded more to be done to help his dog. "OK", said the Vet. and he went into the back room and brought out a huge calico cat and placed the cat on the table with the dog. The cat slowly walked around the dog and when he got back to the same place he started, he sat down and meowed. The doctor said, "There now, that proves it, your dog is dead". The man still didn't believe his dog was dead so the Vet. went into the back room and brought out a Labrador Retriever and it went directly to the man's dog and sniffed and pushed the animal and finally sat down and barked twice. Well now, that proves it, your dog is dead. The man picked up his animal which by now had become somewhat stiff and cold and decided the doctor was right. He reached into his pocket for his wallet and the doctor said, "That'll be $245.30! "What!! You told me $35.00!!"
The Vet. said, "That was before the catscan and the labwork!!!!!!!!!!!"

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 7:22 am
moonshine


Posts: 346

Haha! Sounds like my vet.

Another pet joke:
Mrs. Broomfield's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment,and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!" When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Broomfield's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant squawking and talking. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid bird!" To which the parrot replied: "Get him, Brutus!"
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 9:24 am
roadkill1


Posts: 182

fishlady, did you get my pm?
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 9:28 am
lucy


Posts: 816

The "cat scan" and the "lab work"-- too funny!
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 11:55 am
fishlady


Posts: 615
Location: Aransas Pass, TX

Roadkill1,
Yes

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 12:04 pm
iamfisherman


Posts: 2203
Location: NorCal...

so 2 works have been working hard with little pay and no time off. They are getting a little frustrated with work and all so worker 1 decides to hatch up a plan to get some time off from work.

worker 1 jumps up on the table and hangs onto the cieling lamp just as the boss walks by. The boss asks him, "what the heck are you doing". He replies back, "look I'm a light bulb". The boss looks at him like he is crazy and replies back. "Whoa buddy, I think you need to take some time off and don't come back to work for a few days until you are fine"

Worker 1 picks up his stuff off his desk and walks out the building.

Worker 2 starts packing his stuff and starts to head out the door too but is stopped by the boss...

Boss - "Where do you think you're going"

Worker 2 - "Home, I can't work in the dark."
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:50 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

A blonde lady returns home from the market to find her garadge is on fire. She calls 911 saying "HELP ME, HELP ME! my garadge is on fire!!!" the operator says " Ok lady, calm down, now how do we get to your house?" the lady said " Well Dahhhh! in your lil'red fire truck!!!"
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:59 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

Three blonde co/eds were on a nature hike when they came across a set of tracks, the first one said "Oh look, those are rabbit tracks!" The second one said "Oh no dear, those are coyote tracks" The third one said "Your both wrong, those are deer tracks!" While they were standing there argueing, the 'TRAIN' ran them over!!!
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 2:17 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

A lady CHP oficer pulled a blonde over and said "can I see your licence please?" the blonde said "what's it look like?" The oficer said " Oh, its a little square looking thing with your picture on it" the blonde dug around in her purse and came up with a compact and said "is this it?" The oficer said "Oh yes," as she opened it and looked at the mirror and said "Oh, your a CHP too!"
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 2:22 pm
muttfishr


Posts: 2095
Location: Tulare

OK, sorry girls, I couldn't help it, Im done, now can I go fishing?...mutt.
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 2:55 pm
FishermanDan


Posts: 2495

muttfishr wrote:
OK, sorry girls, I couldn't help it, Im done, now can I go fishing?...mutt.


Yeah, post a report too when you finish!
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 4:17 pm
fishlady


Posts: 615
Location: Aransas Pass, TX

Keep 'em coming, I love this stuff! Too much negative stuff happening in this world and we could all need a good laugh!
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 5:41 pm
Mahigeer


Posts: 6367

Amen.
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 8:36 pm
iamfisherman


Posts: 2203
Location: NorCal...

i got a blonde joke....

While a blonde was driving and putting on her makeup at the same time, she rear ends a guy in a pickup truck.

The guy in the pickup truck is furious and and ask the blonde to step out of her car. He draws a circle on the ground with a piece of chalk and ask her to stand in it and not move out of the circle.

She obeys his command.

He walks back to his truck and pulls out a bat and walks over to her car and bashes out her front windshield. as he turns around he notices the blonde is laughing her butt off. He is now even more ...... off.

walks back over to her car and continues to bash out all the windows. he turns around again to see that she is still laughing her butt off. Again the guys is now enraged and continues to smash her entire car with the bat. Again he turns around and the girl is laughing even harder.

He walks over to her and says, "Look lady i just smashed up your entire car and you are still laughing what the heck is wrong with you."

She replies back, "When you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle 3 times."
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 8:44 pm
rockcrab62


Posts: 525

A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head are on a road trip when their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.

They begin to walk back to civilizatio, and after a while the brunette says "Wait, I'll go back and get the food in case we get hungry." so she does.

After a little while longer, the red-head says "Wait, I'll go back and get water in case we get thirsty." So she does.

When they're almost back to civilization, the brunette and red-head notice that the blonde is gone. Meanwhile, the blonde is back at the car and says to herself "I roled the windows down so we don't get hot"

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